Last Wednesday I had my second PET scan done to see how well my first three rounds chemo has been working at pushing the lymphoma back. Friday of last week I posted about the scanxiety of waiting for those results. Luckily over the weekend the notes about the scan had been released and it appeared to be good news. Yesterday during my scheduled round of chemo I had an appointment with my oncologist so I could actually see the scan images and get her take on the scan notes. Overall I will say it is great news!
The original PET scan reminded me of a fireworks display show. This scan looked nothing like that. Previously I had what appeared to be dozens of lymph nodes from neck to groin lit up with cancerous activity. This time there were no lymph nodes showing any activity. In the first scan my spleen was very over-sized and most of was showing cancerous activity. This time my spleen was almost down to a normal size and showed no cancerous activity. One of my lungs showed quite a bit of cancerous activity. With this scan there was no presence of cancerous activity. I was ecstatic to see this dramatic change.
The cancerous activity was not all gone. My bones still show activity in them. But that cancerous activity is greatly diminished from what it was. The oncologist says it is normal for the bones to take longer. She did say she is happy with the progress made on the bones, even if it is not as far along to being in remission as the rest of the cancer is. I guess bones take a lot longer to heal.
In the notes from the imagine expert it was noted that I have sinusitis. I was given a Z-Pack prescription to take care of this. Despite my best efforts to keep germs and bacteria away, I must have picked up a cold from somewhere. Luckily it isn’t anything too serious. I actually already figured I had something going on with my sinuses for the last week or two due to a stuffed/runny nose and coughing. But part of me thought it was just a side-effect from a chemo drug or fall allergies. Actually I wonder if fall allergies lowered my immune system even lower so I was able to catch some sort of cold.
I just finished my fourth round of chemo today. After six rounds I will have another PET scan done to see if I can stop there or have to go the full eight rounds. I am really hoping I only have to do six rounds. This chemo stuff is very hard on the body and mind. If things go right my final round of chemo will fall on the day after Christmas. That should make for a happy holiday season.
PS. You may have noticed I said I spoke with my Oncologist on the day I was scheduled to have chemo. My chemo was postponed a day due to the hood used by the pharmacist while mixing chemo was broke down on Tuesday for a time. It was repaired and I did chemo today (Wednesday) with no problems. I don’t blame the pharmacist for not wanting to mix chemo chemicals without proper ventilation, this stuff is very toxic!
A follower of this blog noticed I’ve mentioned R-CHOP often as being the chemotherapy regiment I’m on. She asked if I could briefly explain what this means as she is about to start R-CHOP chemo herself. The doctor did give her information about R-CHOP, but it was basically just a sheet explaining the many side-effects which are possible. In this post I will try to briefly explain what R-CHOP is.
What is R-CHOP
R-CHOP is a chemotherapy used specifically to treat non-Hodgkin lymphoma. R-CHOP actually is actually an acronym for the five drugs that are used together to best battle the lymphoma. Combinations of drugs are often used in chemo. The five drugs which make up R-CHOP are as follows:
Explanation of each drug in R-CHOP
Only three of these drugs are actually chemo therapies. One is a targeted therapy drug and another is a steroid. Here is a further breakdown of these five drugs.
Rituximab is not actually considered a chemo drug. Instead it is a type of targeted therapy drug known as a monoclonal antibody. Here is what cancer research UK has to say about this drug:
Monoclonal antibodies target proteins on the surface of cells. Rituximab targets a protein known as CD20. CD20 is found on white blood cells called B cells. It is the B cells that are cancerous in the most common type of non-Hodgkin lymphoma.
Rituximab attaches itself to the B cells and marks them. The cells of the immune system recognize the marked cells and kill them.
It is a pretty cool idea to use the body’s own immune system to fight cancer. Rituximab is given via IV just like the chemo drugs. It is also the drug that makes the first round of chemo last seemingly forever. This drug has a lot of potentially nasty side-effects and the first IV has to be done very slowly to determine if the drug can be safely used for a patient.
Doxorubicin is also a chemo drug. This may be prescribed as Adriamycin. It is given through an IV. Cancer patents often know this drug as the “red devil”. I have to agree with this name. The drug is deep red. It looks like a poison to me, but I’ve heard other say it looks very cool. It is also very dangerous if it leaks on the skin or out of a vein. But it is also a very effective chemo drug, so I find the risk worth it.
Vincristine is the third and final chemo drug in the R-CHOP regiment. It is also given through an IV.
This is actually a steroid, and not a chemo drug at all. Some patients have Prednisolone instead of Prednisone during their R-CHOP treatment. This is taken as a pill instead of through the IV. In fact I take this the day of chemo, and the four days following. While prednisone has anti-inflammatory properties, it is used in this chemo regiment because it can “stimulate programmed cell deaths“.
How often is R-CHOP given
R-CHOP is typically given every three weeks. Each three-week period is called a cycle. I’ve read about two-week cycles, but honestly I can’t imagine being so aggressive with R-CHOP unless it was absolutely necessary. R-CHOP can last up to 8 cycles. In my case I was told I would likely be on R-CHOP for 6 to 8 cycles. As I write this post I am actually preparing for my fourth cycle. Today I should either be half way done or two-thirds of the way done with my chemo treatment. The results of my PET scan will help determine that.
Other thoughts on R-CHOP
I’ve heard of R-CHOP being referred to as a “shotgun approach” due to the mixture of drugs. I don’t think this is an unfair assessment of R-CHOP as a treatment. One of the problems with certain blood cancers, such as some types of non-Hodgkin lymphoma (NHL), is that they are not curable and can only be pushed into remission. NHL patients often have to wait for their symptoms to be bad enough for treatment. When they finally get that treatment they want it to be as potent as possible to help prevent the need for further treatments any time soon. Personally I am thankful R-CHOP treatment exists. At the same time though I hope new treatment options are created in the future which aren’t so hard on the body. And yes, R-CHOP is very hard on the body.
Earlier this week I noted there wouldn’t be any real post that day due to not feeling very well and my brain fog being too thick. For the last few days it has been hard to put thoughts together and breathing has been very hard. Luckily today I seem to be back to normal and believe it was in fact fall allergies which took me down for the last few days.
One thing I love about our home is that we have a lot of old trees surrounding the house. Of course that also means a lot of leaves. Sunday of this week was a very nice day. It was slightly cool, but there was no wind at all. This was perfect for one last time to clean the leaves in the yard. I spent a few hours in the afternoon with my leaf-blower and hauled a full pickup load of leaves to the dump site. Not only did I feel that something was accomplished by removing all the leaves, I also got some good exercise in.
It didn’t occur to me at the time to worry about my fall allergies. I am already taking Claritin every day. I partially take Claritin to combat fall allergies; and partially to combat the side-effects of certain drugs I am taking; more specifically Claritin helps battle the side-effects of Neulasta and Xgeva. Even though Claritin does a fine job of keeping fall allergies at bay, it does have its limits. I apparently found those limits by using a leaf blower to shoot a lot of allergens into the air.
I didn’t exactly have my normal fall allergy symptoms. Typically during fall I get a runny nose, my sinuses feel plugged, and my head feels like it is going to explode. This time I had a little bit of a runny nose, but I don’t believe my sinuses were clogged at all. My head didn’t feel like it was going to explode either. Instead I had a harder time breathing and I just felt “off”. Additionally my brain fog seemed to really get thick. I just couldn’t put any thoughts together at all. Finally today, four days later, I feel almost back to normal (well the new normal for me being on chemo).
This morning I was in contact with another cancer patient going through chemo. She has a similar experience when doing yard work. To combat this she has to take a shower immediately after doing any yard work and ensure she doesn’t come in contact with the clothes she was wearing again until after they have been washed. Additionally if she has done something like raking she will put the blue mask on. That day I did not take a shower until the evening. Now I know to do that right away.
Now that there is a light layer of snow on the ground hopefully fall allergies won’t be an issue. Furthermore, if my treatments go right I hopefully won’t be on chemo come spring when I have to worry about allergies again. Either way I now know my body definitely reacts differently to fall allergies than it used to. I guess it’s just one more thing to watch out for while on chemo.
It is Halloween today! This is a day where a lot of kids and adults wear masks to pretend they are someone or something else. In the past my wife and I have held Halloween parties and dressed up in couples costumes (my favorite was me as a gunslinger and her as a barmaid). Between my being on chemo and us traveling to get our youngest son seen by a specialist, no costumes or parties are happening this year. Even so I will be wearing a mask this year, it just happens to be the mask I wear every time I go out now that I am on chemo. In this post I will blog briefly about the blue mask.
Since I’ve started chemo I tend to stay out of public as much as possible. My immune system gets trashed by the drugs I’m taking and I have to do everything I can to reduce the risk of catching any viruses or diseases. Of course that doesn’t stop me from going to events my kids are participating in. When I do go out I wear the blue mask.
Wearing the blue mask and being bald definitely makes me stand out. I’ve noticed everyone looking at me while trying to make it seem as if they aren’t looking at me. That really doesn’t bother me. The best is the times I have to go into the school for my youngest sons. When going through the elementary there are some younger children who say hi to me and ask if I am a doctor. That always gives me a smile.
I’ve been in contact with other chemo patients that don’t wear the blue mask. Some of them believe the blue mask does very little or they don’t want attention drawn to them. Personally I think the extra precaution is warranted, especially since it is such an easy step to take in order to protect myself. Actually there has been a lot of cases of pertussis (whooping cough) going around at the schools. I really don’t want whooping cough while my immune system is compromised. So I will continue to wear my blue mask when out in public.
Tonight I will be around my little nieces. While they are dressed in their costumes I will be dressed in mine: a surgeon! I guess I am dressing up for Halloween after all.
Yesterday I blogged about my third round of chemo. Overall I felt it went well, even with my blood pressure dropping quite a bit. My wife Mind however remembers yesterday differently. In this post I will briefly blog about how she though this round of chemo went.
First off Mindy agrees that my blood pressure was dropping. But she doesn’t see it as being no big deal. In fact her and one of the nurses were worried a bit because my blood pressure was dropping much quicker than it had the previous two rounds of chemo. My initial blood pressure was 130/68. It was 99/52 the last time it was checked. Telling her this is a known possible side-effect doesn’t make Mindy feel any better. It is just one of the things my poor wife has to worry about while I am on chemo.
Another thing other thing Mindy worried about yesterday was my dizziness. During this round dizziness seemed to be a larger side effect that it had been in the past. Even if I got up slowly to go the bathroom I would experience some dizziness. Mindy said it looked like I was about to fall over and I was very unsteady walking to and from the bathroom. I really think she wishes I would have called the nurse. But I couldn’t see calling a nurse for doing something so simple as walking to the bathroom. Mindy might have been right though…
Finally Mindy mentioned I was not sleeping as hard as I had during the previous two rounds of chemo. The Benadryl definitely knocked me out. But this time she said I would keep sitting forward in my chair and it would look like I was about to tip forward out of said chair. I don’t recall doing this. But I expect I was doing so because my back pain has been getting worse over the last few weeks. The shot I take to rebuild my bone marrow probably has something to do with my back pain getting worse. Sometimes the shots of pain I get are debilitating. But it doesn’t last long at high levels of pain and usually settles down to about a six on my pain scale. Mindy was definitely worried about this happening during chemo and me possibly falling forward onto my face.
I’ve said it before that chemo is hard on my body. It is also hard on my psyche at times. But I think in some ways Mindy is under much more mental stress due to my cancer than I am. It doesn’t help matters that we have a son with medical problem just as bad if not worse than my own. Hopefully I can find a way to reduce some of the stress on Mindy. She really has been a large reason I have coped so well with cancer so well.
Today I had my third round of chemo. By this point I don’t even fret about chemo days anymore. One of the first drugs they shoot me up with is Benadryl, which knocks me out for the next few hours. The only chemo day side-effect which is somewhat troubling is my blood pressure getting low.
My blood pressure was 130/68 at the begging of this mornings appointment. As each IV bag was given to me the blood pressure would be checked. After taking the first IV R CHOP drug (I believe it was the rituximab) my blood pressure dropped. It dropped even further after the other three chemo drugs. At the end of chemo my blood pressure was 99/52. My bottom number technically fell into low blood range since it is under 60. The nurse was concerned about this. But my blood pressure did this the last two rounds of chemo as well. I’ll just take it easy for the next couple of days for my body to recover from the chemo drugs.
In researching R CHOP blood pressure problems I’ve noticed this is a somewhat common side-effect. My advice to others on chemo is to not be overly worried about blood pressure drops as long as the nurse is continuing to monitor the decline. But just like anything if the low blood pressure continues after going home I would definitely call the doctor! The low blood pressure may not be an immediate concern, but it could turn into a very bad situation if allowed to get out of control.
One of the most common questions I get from people is whether I am able to work while going through chemo. I do work, but it is greatly diminished from what I was once capable of. In this post I will briefly blog about my current work experience while going through chemo.
The type of chemo I am going through is called R CHOP. It is a very aggressive type of chemo and is very hard on the body (but then I have yet to hear of a non-aggressive type of chemo). I have chemo once every three weeks. On the day of chemo and the two days following I am basically unable to work at all. Fatigue hits heavy on these days and I sleep most of my day away. Actually I look forward to these days now, because I know for at least a few days I won’t suffer from insomnia. At the same time though it means on these days I cannot work.
Earlier this year I had already started to work from home most days. This was not done because of my cancer. Instead I started to work from home three to four days a week in order to take care of my youngest son. By summer I was rarely able to make it to the office even once a week due to breathing problems. When I started chemo it was time to face the fact I should not be in the office at all. There are too many customers who come into the office sick. With my weakened immune system it just doesn’t seem worth the risk to come into the office when I have the option to work from home. The biggest downside to working completely from home is that it feels like I’ve abandoned my wife to run the office by herself. Actually, cleaning out my office was one of the hardest things I’ve done since being diagnosed with cancer.
Working from home may allow me to keep away from germs. But it doesn’t mean I get a lot done on the typical day. The brain fog I suffer from seems to get worse every day. On some days I can only work a few hours before the brain fog gets so bad that I can’t even put two thoughts together, much less work. On other days I can put in a good six or even eight hours of work. There is no consistency about how much time I am able to work. I have found that if I spend an hour playing word or logic games before I work, that I am able to use my mind for work longer. Also the days I am able to work longer I am doing tasks such as archiving old files in our database. This is a long monotonous process which requires very little brain power. Even if it is monotonous it does at least give me something I can do when the brain fog sets in.
I am somewhat lucky that I am able to work from home. Many cancer patients don’t have this option. Hopefully by the time busy season begins for the office I will be done with chemo and my brain fog will lift a bit. No matter what though I am more than happy to do whatever work I can from home. It is much better than just sitting around thinking about cancer.
Today I want to briefly blog about the worse side-effect of having cancer. It isn’t the fear of dying, nausea, or any of the multitude of side-effects that come from chemotherapy. No my biggest fear has become losing the ability to use my mind properly. Many people with cancer will experience something referred to as “brain fog” or “chemo brain” (or many other names). For the purpose of this blog I will stick to the term “brain fog” because it describes what I feel the best. It is my fear that any brain fog I experience will continue beyond chemo. In this post I will touch briefly on the subject; but this will likely be the topic of many future posts.
I’ve made a living using my mind. In the Army I was a communications technician. I went on the IT field where I eventually became a Network Engineer and Project Manager. Over the last few years I have been a writer and tax preparer. Basically I have spent most of my adult life relying upon my mind to make a living. I hope to continue making a living utilizing my mind. I fear however that may not be as possible as it was once.
Chemo brain is a common term used by cancer survivors to describe thinking and memory problems that can occur after cancer treatment. Chemo brain can also be called chemo fog, chemotherapy-related cognitive impairment or cognitive dysfunction.
Though chemo brain is a widely used term, it’s misleading. It’s unlikely that chemotherapy is the sole cause of concentration and memory problems in cancer survivors. Researchers are working to understand the memory changes that people with cancer experience.
Despite the many questions, it’s clear that the memory problems commonly called chemo brain can be a frustrating and debilitating side effect of cancer and its treatment. More study is needed to understand this condition.
Over the last couple of months it has become very hard for me to organize my thoughts, especially in activities which require multiple steps. I can still do so, but I have to take more time and document things more than I used to. In the past I would create a mental flow chart of tasks to be performed. Now I find myself having to actually physically write things down to be able to see how a process should flow. This change started during my first cycle of chemo, so I am hoping it will go away after chemo has completed.
Another big change I’ve noticed is short-term memory problems. We all have moments where we walk into a room and forget why we went in there. That is happening to me all the time now. I have to document my tasks throughout the day so I don’t accidentally do something twice that I shouldn’t. On one particular day I almost took my morning medications twice. Luckily my wife was around to set me straight. Since that time I made sure all important things such as medications and meals are documented.
I call my condition brain fog for a reason. There will be times I just can’t seem to put thoughts together, as if the words I need are just out of reach in the fog. It is difficult to describe, but it really does seem that a fog has set inside my head. Today is a good example of that happening. Off and on and throughout the morning I tried to write a blog post, but couldn’t. The fog was too thick.
Going forward I hope the brain fog will go away when I am done with chemo. I have four to six more chemo cycles remaining. The problem is I know at least the memory problems have been happening since way before I started chemo. I believe I’ve had memory problems for months actually. It does however seem that the brain fog became much thicker after chemo. That would lead me to believe that chemo is in some way making my brain fog worse (unless the brain fog is making me think that).
I have been trying various things to battle against the brain fog. The main thing that seems to help is playing word and logic games. Hopefully when chemo is done the fog will lift some and I can feel I have my mind back. Actually, writing posts on this blog seems to help as well. At least it helps when the fog will let me write a post…
Updated: Luckily Ashton does not appear to have whooping cough, it is likely a very bad cold. But we have to wait for the test to come back just in case.
Having sick kids is part of being a parent. An old co-worker of mine used to call his daughters school a petri dish for illnesses. I can’t really argue with that. Being on chemo complicates matter for me trying to care for my kids when they are sick. In this post I will talk briefly about dealing with the boys getting sick.
Today my youngest son, Ashton, is sick. Again… He was actually in the doctor’s office two weeks ago and tested positive for strep . He also likely had some sort of stomach virus (Lawson also had a stomach virus of some type at the same time.) Ashton went through the whole regimen of antibiotics and seemed to be doing better. That all changed this morning. His throat hurts really badly and he cannot stop coughing. The more he coughs, the worse his throat feels. He also says he feels hot, but does not have a fever. Finally he has a runny nose. To complicate things there has been a reported case of whooping-cough in his school. Today I’ll bring him into the doctor’s office to get diagnosed.
I am REALLY hoping Ashton does not test positive for anything like whooping-cough. With my immune system down and fighting the effects of chemo I could very easily catch whatever he has. This morning when he started coughing non-stop I put my blue mask on. But I wonder now if I was too late. I basically have him isolated in his room until we go to the doctor.
For the most part I have been doing OK dealing with the boys when they are sick. The wife and I generally keep them quarantined in one of their rooms. On some of the days they have been sick I have someone who comes in to help with the boys. Mostly to make sure they are eating and such. Luckily the boys are old enough they don’t need constant supervision. If Ashton does have whooping-cough I likely won’t bring anyone in. I am home all day and have already been exposed to his cough. I can’t see bringing someone else in to get sick. I will continue to wear my mask around him and use hand sanitizer anytime I have come near him or any surface he may have come in contact with. I can’t stop being a dad just because I have cancer and am going through chemo.
Hopefully the doctor will have good news for us today. But as I write this I hear Ashton coughing in the background and there seems to be a bit of a wheeze added to the end of his cough now. That poor kid, not only does he have to deal with his normal muscle problem, but now he had to deal with a cough that won’t end. I just hope I am able to help him without catching whatever he has myself.
I love being a dad. That is one of the main reasons I call this blog Dad Against Cancer. I want to defeat this cancer in part so I can continue to spend time with my sons. In this post I will share a few ways my cancer experience has impacted my two youngest sons.
I should note I have three sons. My oldest son Dustin recently turned 21 and is off to college. I will handle the impact of my cancer on him in a future post.
My two younger sons are Lawson, age 13, and Ashton, age 11. Before going on I should note what kind of dad I have been up to this point. When the boys were young I really didn’t spend a lot of time with them. I was working in the IT field and worked long hours which included a lot of traveled. The worse was probably when we lived in the Minneapolis area and I was doing consulting. On a typical day I would leave for a job before the boys woke up and would arrive home late into the evening. I would then spend time working on homework to complete my degree and go to bed. Even when I got a job as a Network Engineer instead of consulting I would work massive hours and was always working from home in the evenings when I wasn’t focused on school. I wasn’t necessarily a bad dad, I was just focused on trying to make life better for the boys and definitely didn’t spend as much time with them as I would have liked.
About seven years ago we moved back to South Dakota. It was then I left the IT field and focused on growing my wife’s business. I also slowed down my lifestyle to spend more time with the boys. I volunteered to be a coach in sports such as soccer. During the summer I would take the boys to all of their summer rec sports. It was also during this time-period I started to blog about politics. The boys would travel all over with me to cover political events. My boys can not only tell you who many of our elected politicians are in South Dakota, but where they met them. As the years went on I spent more and more time with them.
Fast forward to a year ago. Ashton started to have a problem where his muscles would not work properly and on some days could not get out of bed. It was at that time I started to work from home completely. During the last year I have spent a lot of time driving him to St Paul to get tested for various muscular and neurological disorders. At the same time Lawson would get jealous of the time I spent with Ashton, so I would make sure I found ways to make it to his basketball games or encourage his love of playing the drums and guitar. I was really starting to be the dad I always wanted to be.
When this summer came about my health really started to falter. My breathing problems were getting quite bad, but I tried to hide it from everyone. I especially tried to hide it from the boys, although I know they knew something was wrong. This previous summer I was able to travel all over with the boys as they traveled for baseball. Ashton played Midgets baseball and Lawson fell at the age where he could play both Midgets baseball and Teeners baseball. It was a great summer! I went with them to every baseball practice and game that I could. I think I only missed two practices and one game for each kid.
The summer was not all roses however. Traveling to all of these practices and games took its toll on me. As my breathing continued to degrade I would spend more time at home sitting at the computer. It wasn’t that I wanted to sit at the computer. I simply didn’t have the energy to do anything else. Plus the pain I was feeling only felt better if I was sitting in a forward-leaning position. My youngest boys knew something was wrong. I can think of multiple times during the month of August, after baseball was done, when the boys would ask if I was OK and if I had to go to the hospital. I always played it off as me just being old and tired and would make a joke. As time went on they weren’t laughing at as many jokes. They knew something was wrong, even if I wouldn’t admit it to them.
On August 27 the doctor called to let me know I had cancer. My wife and I sat the boys down and let them know I had cancer and tried to explain it to them somewhat. A website I found had some tips for giving the news to kids. I’m not sure they understood yet what we were telling them.
September 11 is when I began my first round of chemo. Prior to chemo my wife and I discussed some changes with the boys that would have to happen around the house. The whole house had to be cleaned, everyone would have to take new steps to keep germs away from me, nobody could use my bathroom in the few days following chemo, and the boys would have to stay away from me if they were sick. There were other changes as well, but I think this gives the idea that the boys were majorly impacted by my going on chemo. They stepped up well. Both boys helped to clean and sanitize the house. When the boys get in the house from school or come upstairs from the lower level they immediately sanitize their hands. Just this week both boys had a stomach virus and Ashton had strep. Both boys stayed away from for days to ensure I wouldn’t get sick. I’ve been so proud of how they have handled themselves.
But it should also be noted they have told both my wife and myself some things which trouble them. Part of cancer or chemo causes something called “chemo brain”. My thoughts will sometime fog up and I find myself forgetting a lot of things. This is quite frustrating and I will sometimes just snap at the wife or boys for no reason. I have also had the same conversations with the wife and boys multiple times without remembering the previous conversations. This has left the boys quite confused and they have let my wife know about their confusion. Due to this brain fog the boys have become reluctant to ask me anything. They can’t know for sure if I will remember what is said or they will wonder if I will snap for no reason. It really is putting a strain on the dad-son relationship. I have also noticed they will sometimes just look at me with a worried look.
The boys know how to google things. And I know at least one of them has googled the heck out of cancer. Of course most of the things that come up on a google search about cancer are bad. I am quite sure the boys have read a lot of bad things about cancer prognosis. I won’t forget one of my sons asking if I was going to die after he had gotten done reading something on the internet. He wasn’t crying, but you could tell he wanted to. I just hugged him and said I would do everything to fight the cancer so I could continue to watch him and his brothers grow. He said he would do anything he could to help keep me around. I didn’t cry at the time. But now as I write this and remember the moment I have tears running down my face… Perhaps this is a good place to stop blogging for today.
My boys have definitly been impacted by my cancer diagnosis. As I continue to fight against my cancer I hope to find ways to overcome some of the negative impacts. Maybe this post will help give others insight into a few ways the relationship between a parent and kids can be impacted by a cancer diagnosis. No matter what I plan to keep fighting against my cancer and be there for my boys as long as I can!