Earlier this week, I had my scheduled neurology appointment. This appointment was a follow-up to the one I had months ago for my memory issues. The only difference this time is that I had to utilize a tele-med meeting over the internet. In this brief post, I will share my tele-med experience. Additionally, I will briefly talk about what the neurologist said about my memory issues.
Tele-med is the way to do these appointments.
As I mentioned last week, the neurologist nurse called to ask if I would be OK with participating in a tele-med appointment over the internet. I thought it was a great idea. Not only would it save me the three-hour drive to Sioux Falls, but it would keep me away from a COVID-19 hotspot. And being someone who is used to working from home, it only makes sense I would do doctors appointments this way as well.
The actual appointment went very quickly. Well, it went quickly after the doctor got on the video feed. Just like at the clinic, I had to be in a “waiting room.” Even sitting in the comfort of my own home that seemed to take forever. But it was still better than waiting at the clinic!
I was able to hear the doctor clearly throughout the meeting. He did have problems hearing me at times. Next time I do this, I might tell my kids to get off the internet for the duration of the appointment. Something they were doing may have caused bandwidth issues going upstream. But overall I was pretty pleased with the quality of the tele-med meeting.
The neurologist recommended I change maintenance drugs.
The actual appointment went very quickly. I would say it lasted no longer than ten minutes. This appointment was a follow-up to my memory issues. I explained to the neurologist how the last few rounds of rituximab maintenance went. I told him that my memory problems seem to get really bad about five days after my injection. They stay bad for a few weeks and then slowly get better. Then, just as I feel somewhat normal, I get another round of maintenance.
Memory issues are not a listed side-effect for rituximab. Due to that, I actually wondered if this whole memory issue hasn’t been in my head (well, obviously it’s in my head, you know what I mean). The neurologist said there are times where certain medicines can cause unique side-effects for individual patients. He believes that is happening with me and seems quite concerned about it. I have to admit to feeling relief that he believes me. Before being diagnosed with cancer, I went through a few doctors that wouldn’t believe anything was really wrong with me. That left me with a bad impression of doctors.
His more significant concern was any long-term damage that could come from the continued use of rituximab. I hadn’t even considered that. The neurologist planned to recommend my oncologist switch to an alternative maintenance drug. Part of me is nervous about trying another medication. But a more significant part of me now fears any continued use of rituximab will permanently damage my brain.
Maintenance is coming up.
My next round of maintenance is coming up in about a week and a half. At that time, I’ll speak with my oncologist and see what she recommends I do. Maybe before then, she will call me and discuss my options. Or perhaps even utilize a tele-med appointment. That seemed to work well with the neurologist. No matter what, though, I have to admit I don’t think I want to retake rituximab unless it is necessary. Losing my mind is one of my biggest fears.
Song of the day: Sirius/Eye in the Sky
Talking about neurology and video conference with a doctor brought this classic Alan Parson Project song (well songs) to mind.
Bonus Song: Amnesia
Some years ago, the group Chumbawamba had their one-hit-wonder with Tubthumping. The band actually has music that I think is much better than that song. This song from Chumbawamba comes to mind when I think of memory loss.
The last time I blogged was almost two weeks ago. This delay has mostly been due to being busy with work. I work in a tax preparation office and have been busy blogging for that, though. At that time, I mentioned my maintenance infusion of Rituximab as canceled due to my wife being a presumed case of COVID-19. I now have a new appointment set up for my maintenance infusion next month. Also, the neurology appointment I have scheduled for next week is now going to occur remotely.
First, an update on my wife
Before talking about my upcoming appointments, I would like to let everyone know my wife seems to have recovered. Her fever broke about a week ago. Her breathing is still strained, but not near as bad as it was. The current breathing issues could very well be more related to spring allergies than COVID. That is one less stress with her having recovered!
Maintenance scheduled for the first week of May
Barring any health issues, I now have my next maintenance scheduled on month after it initially should have taken place. As I noted previously, my oncologist is concerned about my memory issues. She may change me over to a different medication. I will see what happens when I have my actual appointment. As of right now, the appointment is scheduled. The hospital has not stopped Rituximab infusions due to the coronavirus outbreak.
Neurology appointment next week.
I have a follow-up appointment scheduled with my neurologist next week to discuss my memory issues. Since Sioux Falls has become a hotspot for COVID-19, I was wondering if this appointment would still happen. Well, earlier this week, a staff member from the neurology clinic called and asked if I would be OK making a telemed appointment. I let her know I was more than happy to utilize a remote meeting. Sioux Falls is a three-hour drive from my house. It only makes sense to participate in the appointment remotely, especially with this whole coronavirus thing going on.
More posts to come next week
I’m looking forward to seeing how a telemed appointment works out. I’ll do a post about how the whole telemed experience went. There will also be another post about the results from the neurologist. Finally, this upcoming week I will have a post up about going times I have to go out in public during the coronavirus outbreak.
Song of the Day: Too Much Time On My Hands
Luckily, I have been busy working remotely for the tax office. That has kept me pretty busy. But, even with the tax deadline being extended, I now have a lot less work to keep me busy. I have a feeling this Styx song will be going through my head while I’m isolating at home with my family.
Bonus Song: Fooling Yourself (The Angry Young Man)
I thought I would stick with Styx for another song. If you haven’t noticed, I am very into music. This particular song was my personal theme-song when I decided to quite a job some decades ago and changed the direction of my career. That was a great move, and I have no regrets.
Actually, this isn’t all of Styx. This video has Tommy Shaw (of Styx) singing this song with a youth orchestra. I love the things that can be found on YouTube!
Since finishing chemo in December of 2018, I have had maintenance infusions of Rituximab every eight weeks. Next Wednesday, I was scheduled to have my next round of maintenance. However, with all of this coronavirus stuff going on, I wondered if maintenance infusions were even considered important enough that the hospital would keep doing these infusions. Also, my wife is presumed to have COVID-19, and my household is under quarantine for two weeks. In this post, I will briefly discuss whether maintenance is essential and what my oncologist had to say about my maintenance infusions going forward.
Is maintenance essential?
I belong to a few online support groups for lymphoma patients. It seems that different oncologists have different opinions about whether maintenance is essential when a global pandemic is going on. The clinic I go to appears to treat this as an essential procedure. I got my notification from the clinic confirming the appointment yesterday. I did contact my oncologist after getting that notification, but honestly, I forgot to ask her whether maintenance infusions were considered essential. Most of my time speaking with her was about other issues (expanded upon in the next section).
If you or someone you are caring for is going through maintenance, I would suggest calling the oncology team and finding out if they are still doing maintenance. I’ve spoken with many who live in communities with the rapid spread of the coronavirus. In those cases, maintenance infusions have generally been postponed. I think the term “essential” for medical conditions can change rapidly depending on the current coronavirus spread in an area.
The conversation with my oncologist
In yesterday’s post, I noted my wife is presumed to have COVID-19. Most of my phone conversation with the oncologist revolved around me quarantining myself away from my wife. She recommended I avoid her as much as possible and wash my hands regularly. Additionally, she wants me to wear a mask when I am around my wife. Basically, she wants me to be under quarantine away from my quarantined wife (my words, not hers). It is almost like I’m going through chemo again.
During the conversion, my oncologist noted that my immune system is compromised. It could be horrible for me to get the coronavirus. I’ve seen many lymphoma patients going through maintenance wondering if they have to be concerned. After speaking with my oncologist, I get the impression that we should be very concerned! Our immune system is not going to work as good as a healthy person’s immune system.
One other topic during the conversation with my oncologist was my memory issues. I affirmed that once again, I seemed to have memory issues. They seemed to begin about five days after receiving the Rituximab infusion and lasted for at least two weeks. Actually, now that I think about it, the memory issues lasted longer than two weeks. But they seemed to start getting a little better after two weeks. I’ll have to remember to tell the oncologist that.
The reason my maintenance was canceled
Since my wife and our whole household are under quarantine for two weeks, I knew next week’s appointment would not happen. What I didn’t know is if the oncologist would want to do it the week after, or cancel it altogether. What she decided to do was cancel the current appointment and follow up with me in a month. At that time, she will get an update on my status and my wife’s condition. If there continues to be community spread in Brown county, she might push any further maintenance even further into the future. Even so, due to my memory issues, I may be utilizing a different drug than Rituximab for ongoing maintenance.
I get at least a month off maintenance
Part of me is happy I get to another month without a maintenance infusion. Maybe I’ll start to feel better overall. But another part of me is quite unhappy about missing this maintenance infusion. I can’t help but wonder if changing my maintenance schedule will give the lymphoma cancer cells a chance to reorganize and start spreading rapidly again. I know my wife is terrified about me missing a maintenance infusion. All I can do is hope this time off maintenance doesn’t have any long-term repercussions.
Song of the day: I Want To Break Free
I have kind of a love/hate relationship with my Rituximab infusions. On the one hand, I love that the injections may keep cancer at bay for longer. But on the other hand, I hope to feel closer to normal now that I won’t be doing maintenance for at least another month. So I thought this great Queen song was in order:
Bonus Song: Red Barchetta
Since my song of the day had to do with breaking free, I thought I would share a classic song from Rush that epitomizes freedom for me. To me, Red Barchetta is not about a car, but rather about the feeling (no matter how temporary) of pure freedom. Below is a brilliant live version of the song.
Earlier today, the IV injected me with my latest maintenance round of Rituximab. When speaking to my oncologist, she noted it was a year ago that I had my first round of maintenance. That means I am technically halfway through my maintenance experience. In this post, I will briefly summarize how my last year of maintenance has gone.
Today was once again a non-event. There was one highlight. Since my wife is working at the tax office, she was not able to bring me to today’s infusion. Instead, I was fortunate to hang out with a friend who was generous to bring me. Well, at least for the parts I was able to stay awake.
I did speak with my oncology doctor, and she let me know my hemoglobin numbers are concerning. Later this week I will post about that. There are some changes I’m probably going to have to work harder on specific life changes. She also talked about my short term memory issues and said if they continue or become dangerous (such as when driving), we may look at other options.
There was one significant change today compared to other maintenance infusions. To get into town this morning, I had to drive through whiteout blizzard conditions. I did not want my friend to do that to bring me home. So instead of resting at home like I usually would, I am now at the office working. Well, not working since I am a little dizzy when moving around. But, I can write, and so I thought a blog post or two on my various blogs was in order. I am happy I don’t have brain fog as bad as while I was going through full chemo.
Happy to be halfway through
I am thrilled to be halfway through maintenance. While I have had some side-effects, I don’t see any of them as being deal-breakers. Short-term memory loss is concerning. But that seems to ebb and flow alongside maintenance infusions. And I don’t mind the “wrong” feeling that occurs after each maintenance cycle. I will put up with these mild side-effects if it means more time with my wife and kids! But I will say I am also delighted that I am now on the downhill side of maintenance infusions.
Song of the day: One Year of Love
I’ve been in a real Queen mood lately. When writing a post about being on maintenance for one year, this classic Queen song came to mind. And actually, it is the love for my wife and kids that is making me want to do maintenance.
Bonus Song: Me & Paul
Today’s bonus song has nothing to with today’s post.
Earlier this week Paul English died. He was the legendary drummer for Willie Nelson and quite an interesting character. The track Me & Paul by Willie Nelson chronicles some of the adventures the two artists had together. RIP Paul English.
Actually as I contemplate the lyrics of this classic song I think maybe the song is related to today’s post:
It’s been rough and rocky traveling But I’m finally standing upright on the ground After taking several readings I’m surprised to find my mind’s still fairly sound
A loyal reader of the blog asked if I would do a post about whether I drank alcohol while I went through chemotherapy. The short answer for me is no. But this wouldn’t be much of a blog if I gave quick answers! In this post, I will explain why I didn’t drink during chemo and what I can drink now that I am on maintenance infusions. Further, I should note that most other chemo patients I’ve spoken to about this topic seem to have different answers about whether they do or don’t drink while going through treatment.
My alcohol use before chemo
I should probably briefly mention first that I did very little alcohol drinking in the year leading up to chemo. At the time I didn’t know I had cancer, but I knew there was something very wrong with me. I had problems breathing and was seeing doctors for what was suspected to be a pulmonary issue. At that time I could not drink beer at all. I would get an upset stomach with just one beer. If I had more than one beer my stomach would start to hurt badly. I could drink liquors such as my drink of choice whiskey. But even then I drank very little because of very low energy levels.
No alcohol use during chemo
While going through R-CHOP chemo, I did not even try any alcohol, whether it be beer or liquor. I don’t believe the oncologist said I couldn’t. Basically, I didn’t feel like drinking alcohol. The fatigue and other symptoms I generally felt didn’t leave me feeling like I could drink alcohol.
Out of curiosity, I just looked in the “Guide to Chemotherapy” given to me by the oncology staff. In there it says:
Small amounts of alcohol can help you relax and increase your appetite. But alcohol may interact with some drugs so that they don’t work as well, or it may make the side effects worse. Be sure to ask your doctor if you can drink beer, wine, or any other alcoholic beverages.
A Guide to Chemotherapy by American Cancer Society
My advice to anyone wanting to drink alcohol while going through chemo is to speak to your oncologist beforehand.
Alcohol use now that I’m on maintenance infusions
I have been on maintenance therapy infusions of Rituximab for about a year now. After about two months of being on maintenance infusions, I did try drinking alcohol again. First, I tried a beer. Not only did it still impact my stomach, but it seemed worse than before. After drinking half a beer, my stomach started to hurt badly. I don’t know if it is a side-effect from chemo, a side-effect from maintenance, or a side-effect of something else I don’t know I have. No matter what the leading cause is, I’ve decided not to try beer again any time soon!
Now liquor I’ve found doesn’t impact my stomach. I don’t appear to have any adverse side-effects from drinking whiskey, rum, or vodka. Actually, I seem to have some pretty good tolerance for drinking liquor, probably due to the weight gain I experienced during chemo. Generally, I don’t drink more than a couple of mixed drinks. But I have found I can drink quite a lot without adverse effects.
If in doubt I would ask a doctor
For anyone reading this wondering if they can or can’t drink alcohol while going through chemo or maintenance, I would say to ask your doctor. Speaking for myself, I haven’t read anything that authoritatively says alcohol use should be avoided. But I know many of the drugs we take are hard on the liver and kidney; therefore, they may interact poorly with alcohol. At the same time, however, life is short! It seems even shorter when you have a cancer diagnosis.
Song of the Day: Mas Tequila
When thinking of liquor, the first thing that came to mind is this excellent party song from Sammy Hagar. Personally, I’m not a fan of Tequila, but I love the heck out of this song.
Bonus Song: Whiskey in the Jar
The Thin Lizzy version of this classic Irish drinking song is one of my favorite songs to listen to at the bar. Actually, I tend to sing along as well when I’ve had a whiskey or two. I also happen to love the Metallica version of this song, but the Thin Lizzy version is still the best, in my opinion.
Bonus Bonus Song: Friends in Low Places
This Garth Brooks song is probably one of the greatest songs to sing with a group at the bar. A drinking bingo night the wife and I went to was basically shut down for almost ten minutes while the bar sang this song. That was a good night…
Yesterday I was supposed to have my latest maintenance infusion of Rituxan (Rituximab). That did not happen after consulting with the oncology CNP and oncologist. My memory issues have not improved, and they decided to schedule an MRI for me instead. In this post, I will briefly discuss my memory loss and upcoming MRI.
Memory loss is not improving.
I’ve noticed memory loss issues for quite a while now. Over a year ago, I mentioned it in my post about brain fog (chemo brain). Since that time, my short-term memory problems have not improved. I think they have become worse. It has gotten to the point where my kids don’t even like to tell me about anything coming up because they figure I will forget it anyhow.
My memory loss has also become one of the reasons I try to avoid too many people. It gets frustrating trying to talk to people with the knowledge that I might be forgetting conversations from earlier. I’ve turned in to the person that repeats the same story over and over again. Even worse, I’ve become the person that can’t be trusted to remember anything. It gets quite frustrating.
Nothing seems to work for improving memory loss.
I’ve noted before that playing logic games helps out with the thinking portion of brain fog. Sometimes the fog is so thick I can’t write a single blog post. But after playing logic and brain games for a little while, the mist will open up enough for me to think straight. As far as I can tell, playing games does not help with my memory loss. I’ve also tried memory and other brain games. Nothing seems to work.
Of course, part of the problem is I don’t know just how often I am suffering from memory loss. There are times where friends or family members will bring it to my attention. And of course, there are times I am sitting somewhere trying to remember what I was going to do. But I can’t help but wonder how often I am experiencing short-term memory loss and don’t realize. How am I supposed to know I forgot something if I don’t remember there was something to forget?
I am getting an MRI of the brain.
When I had my consult with the oncology CNP yesterday, I brought this up. My wife was there back up what I was telling the CNP. I think my wife is even more worried about my memory issues than I am. It can’t be easy for her to be married to someone going through memory issues.
The CNP and oncologist met about my memory loss and decided against having me take my Rituxan infusion. Instead, I would be scheduled for an MRI of the brain. They want to try to narrow down what is causing the memory loss. This short-term memory loss could still be part of my brain fog from going through chemo last year. It could also be a side-effect of the Rituximab.
There are other possibilities unrelated to chemo that could be causing my memory loss. It is possible cancer has spread into my brain and is causing issues. I doubt this is the issue, but it is a possibility. There are also possibilities I can’t think of, which an MRI may be able to spot. I believe the main reason I’m getting an MRI is to make sure these other possibilities are not causing my memory loss.
MRI on Monday
My MRI is scheduled for Monday morning. Some date after that I will have an appointment with a neurologist as well. I’m not nervous about either appointment. Personally, I think my short-term memory loss is still a side effect of the brain fog caused by chemo. But I have researched enough cancer stories now to know that there are other possibilities, and I suppose it isn’t a bad thing getting more information about my brain health.
PS. I also found out I will be taking my port out. But that is a post for another day.
Song of the Day – Let’s Make a Memory
Talking about memories brings this classic Roy Orbison song to mind.
Bonus Song: Check My Brain
The bonus song is a little harder rock than I usually post on this page. I can’t help but think of this Alice in Chains song when thinking about going through a brain scan.
Two days ago I had my fifth round maintenance therapy. I’ve had some followers of the blog ask me to write about my latest round. They wish for me to compare my current experience to that of my first round. Hopefully sharing this will give those going through maintenance, and family members of those going through maintenance, an idea of what ongoing treatments are like.
Maintenance always starts with a vitals check.
Every maintenance always begins the same way. The nurse will check my weight. This part of maintenance is the part I dread the most. While going through chemo, I gained a lot of weight. Going through maintenance, I have been unable to lose much of that increased weight. I know I should be happy due to the number of people who suffer massive weight loss. But this is still one of my most significant stresses, and no matter how much I try, it doesn’t seem I can lose weight.
The nurse then brings me into a room and checks my vitals. My blood pressure, oxygen, and temperature are the main vitals checked by the nurse. I never really worry about this part. My vitals are usually right in the range they need to be. Actually I this part of the appointment annoys my wife. She has high blood pressure and has never had readings as good as mine.
During the previous round of maintenance, my port worked with no problems. This past success led me to believe the port would have issues this time. What I mean by the port having issues is that blood will not ‘return’ when the nurse tries to draw blood through the port. Any time the port doesn’t work, I have to sit in weird positions and move my arms and neck around in the hope that blood will return through the port. Sometimes that works. If not, I get about a dozen syringes of a cleaner sent through the port to open it up. That usually eventually works. But it takes a lot of time, and each time the port doesn’t work I want to have the dang thing taken out and use a regular IV for now on. Technically since I am no longer doing regular chemo, I no longer need the port. It is just a lot more convenient to use than an IV.
As luck would have it though, my port worked! This was two times in a row my port worked with no issues. Maybe my port knew I was looking to get rid of it and decided its time to behave. It is quite possible the retraction that had been there has disappeared completely. Whatever the reason my port is now functioning properly. The nurse was able to draw blood with no problems.
As luck would have it though, my port worked! Two times in a row my port worked with no issues! Maybe my port knew I was looking to get rid of it and decided its time to behave. The retraction that had been there may have disappeared altogether. For whatever reason, my port is now functioning correctly. The nurse was able to draw blood with no problems.
Time to visit with the nurse.
After the blood draw, there is a wait while the lab does its testing to make sure I can receive my maintenance infusion. During that time I meet with either the oncologist or the CNP. Both of them have my utmost respect and trust. In this case it was the CNP’s turn to try getting the truth out of me. I say that because I don’t always mention all of my symptoms. During those times, my wife will pipe in and happily let the nurse or doctor know what I had failed to say.
During this visit, I let the CNP know my symptoms after the previous round. MY latest symptoms include a couple of days of absolutely no sleep; which was likely caused by the steroids. Then I would have a flu-like feeling throughout my body for about a week or two. For the rest of the eight weeks I would have low energy and a constant cough. The low energy and cough seem to get better the week before getting my next maintenance infusion.
After letting the CNP know I hadn’t had any other notable event, my wife spoke up. She mentioned a few weeks ago that I had banged my heel very hard and that I had possibly broken it. I explained I don’t think it had broken, just very badly bruised. Neither my wife or the CNP seemed impressed that I failed to have it checked out. But having enough of these types of injuries, I already knew what I had to do. Plus, I have had so many scans over the last year I didn’t want another x-ray. I will admit though; my heel hurt pretty badly this previous weekend walking around the convention center in Sioux Falls all day every day.
The nurse then talked to me about my sleeping issues. I won’t go into that in this post and will instead do a separate post about it in the future.
A surprise visit from the oncologist.
I usually don’t see the CNP and Oncologist during the same appointment. In this case, the oncologist came in to let me know my numbers had mostly looked good from the blood draw. She has concerns that my hemoglobin continues to go higher each appointment. My rising hemoglobin counts will be another topic I will save for a future post.
It is also possible the oncologist made an appearance because I had a camera crew following me this day, and they wanted to have her in some of the video footage. I had a camera crew with me to shoot a marketing piece for the hospital. Since I am so open about my experience on this blog, I had no problems letting them film me.
Time for the pretreatment drugs.
After the initial vital checks and interrogations, I am then led to an infusion room. These pretreatment drugs are used to prevent the normal reactions many patients have while receiving the maintenance drug Rituximab (Rituxin). First, I am given two Tylenol caplets and injected with Benadryl through my port. A saline bag is started and will continue to drip for the rest of the appointment, and I receive a small pretreatment bag of steroids via my port. Most people who use the Tylenol, Benadryl, and steroid mix seem to have few if any issues going through maintenance.
My vitals are rechecked before proceeding with the actual maintenance infusion. IT is at this point I start getting very tired. Apparently I am very susceptible to the “may cause drowsiness” portion of Benadryl. The rest of the appointment goes very quickly for me because I am going in an out of sleep.
Finally, the actual infusion of Rituxin
At this point, I finally receive my infusion of Rituxin. The infusion is split into two steps. First, they drip the Rituxin into my port slowly for a half hour. By going slow, any allergic reactions can be observed and dealt with immediately. A nurse will also recheck my vitals to ensure nothing is going wrong. As usual, there are no problems with this initial injection of Rituxin.
The rest of the Rituxin bag is then infused into my port over the next hour. I rarely remember this portion of maintenance due to the Benadryl. This time, in particular, it felt like about five minutes instead of a full hour. I don’t remember it this time, but I know they also check my vitals one last time. My vitals must have been OK because I was then released.
As usual, maintenance was a nonevent.
Maintenance day is pretty boring. Usually, it is just my vitals getting checked a lot, speaking with the oncologist or CNP, and then having all the drugs forced into my body. Part of me is happy maintenance is a nonevent. I’ve spoken with patients that had terrible reactions to Rituxin. The worse case I’ve heard of was a cancer patient whose throat closed, and heart started beating irregularly. Luckily nothing like that has happened to me when receiving Rituxin.
Hopefully, sharing this will alleviate any of the fears for other people who are about to go through maintenance. For most people, it is a nonevent. The only person I think maintenance treatment is hard on is the loved one that comes along for the appointment. In this case, my wife is the loved one there with me and watching over me as I sleep through the infusion.
Song of the day.
Today’s song is only marginally related to the post. When I writing about a possible broken bone the line ” Muscle and blood and skin and bones” came to my mind. I love this classic song from Tennessee Ernie Ford. Luckily I am now self-employed so I don’t have to worry about owing my soul to the company store..
My song of the day really had nothing to do with today’s post. So I thought I would make my second song even less related to today’s. The Highwaymen is the greatest super-group ever to have been assembled and this song was their crowning achievement. Even though this song isn’t related I often find myself singing this song. In particular I will sing “But I am still alive”. Actually, maybe this song is related…
A constant theme from my cancer experience has been a lack of quality sleep. The lack of sleep has definitely impacted my personal and professional life immensely. Actually the reason I haven’t really blogged in the last few weeks is because I have felt too tired to do so (of course the other reason is I am working on creating a new podcast and a new video series). In this post I will briefly explain my current sleep habits. Later this week I will highlight how my personal and professional life has been impacted. Sharing this may help some other cancer patients in similar situations understand they are not alone.
Current sleep status (or lack of sleep status)
Currently I get only about three to four hours of sleep a night. Additionally, each week I will go one or two nights with no sleep at all. My current sleep issues seem to stem from multiple causes. First, I seem to have lost the ability to fall asleep. And secondly, I have a cough that won’t go away; which in turn wakes me up if I do happen to fall asleep.
As to not being able to fall asleep I have tried many cures. People have shared with me what works for them and I have tried almost everything that has been suggested. The only real thing that seems to work is to become so exhausted that my body has no choice other than to fall asleep. Part of me believes I also have problems going to sleep because I know I will be up shortly anyhow, so why bother trying.
Which leads to my cough. Since being on chemo, and now Rituximab (my maintenance drug), I have a cough that won’t go away. Sometimes I can go up to an hour without coughing. Then at other times I cough at least every five minutes. Laying down seems to make the coughing worse. Due to this I now sleep on a recliner, so I can keep my head and chest higher. This doesn’t really seem to help much at all. But I continue to do so because I feel I keep my wife awake all night when I sleep in the bed. I’m probably going to give up on the recliner idea and go back to sleeping in bed however. I fear if I spend too much time away from the bedroom it will make my wife feel she is somehow to blame; which is completely the wrong signal I want to send.
Results from the pulmonary doctor
I have gone through two sleep studies. Recently I had an appointment with my pulmonary doctor about my cough and sleep study results. He noted that on average I get about 9 non-breathing events per hour going through the sleep study. However when I entered REM sleep I would get about 66 non-breathing events per hour. He noted this is very dangerous and is the reason I was prescribed a CPAP. Since staring to use the CPAP he has noted I only get a few non-breathing events per hour, that is whether or not I am in REM sleep. So the CPAP seems to be doing what it is supposed to. But at the same time it has not fixed my other sleeping issues, other than to make sure I stay in REM sleep a little longer. I will admit I do feel better rested using the CPAP, even if the overall amount of sleep I get is not much longer.
Other than the breathing while sleeping, none of the tests or scans ordered by the pulmonary doctor have yielded any results. There are some minor lung issues that have to do with being a lifelong smoker. But nothing he is seeing would explain my constant cough.
Currently I believe the cough is just a side-effect of the maintenance drug Rituximab that gets infused into my body every eight weeks. Actually for about two weeks leading up to my maintenance infusions the coughing does seem to become less. Then about five days after my infusions the cough begins to get worse. I have spoken with other cancer patients who are experiencing the same side-effect with Rituximab. Since the maintenance infusions will likely keep me in remission longer, I guess I’ll just put up with this annoying side-effect.
Up next: how lack of sleep is impacting my life
In this post I briefly shared the current status of my sleeplessness. Later this week I will share how this lack of sleep is impacting my personal and professional life. This will likely be in two posts. Hopefully sharing my experience may help other cancer patients understand they are not alone. And maybe I’ll receive a sleep tip I haven’t tried yet that might actually work. I look forward to day when I am no longer tired of of being tired.
Song of the day
Today’s song really doesn’t have much to do with the bog post. Recently Ric Ocasek, lead singer for The Cars, died and I thought I would post one of my favorite songs from them. I’ve never been a huge fan of The Cars, but they definitely had some good songs. Plus I think this is great example of an 80’s music video.
The bonus song also has nothing to do with today’s post, other than the fact pulmonary doctors deal with lungs. This classic/weird song from Jethro Tull is just timeless. I like this version because I shows Ian Anderson in action.
Bonus, Bonus song
Jethro Tull has another song that comes to mind when talking about lungs and breathing. Plus this is another chance to see Ian Anderson in action.
Last week I was in the cancer center for my fourth infusion of Rituximab. This brings me up to half a year of being in remission. Since I did a post after my first round of maintenance infusions, I thought it would be appropriate to blog about the side-effects from this latest round.
Lack of sleep is still the main side-effect
My whole cancer experience has been an ongoing tale of sleeplessness. About a month ago I wrote about my sleep issues and included this chart showing how much sleep I get (or don’t get).
The above chart shows I really don’t get enough sleep. Now compare that to the chart below. This new chart shows all of last week and this week up until today (Friday):
It would appear I am getting more sleep by the pure numbers. My average seems to have increased to almost five hours per night. However that isn’t really true. My maintenance treatment was on the 7th of August. Notice how the 7th through the 10th (Saturday) have no sleep recorded. This was not a glitch of my fitbit. I really didn’t get any sleep those nights. Then for a few days I got very little sleep. Finally for the last two nights I got a good six hours. This has been great getting that much sleep, but I know it is probably unlikely to happen a third night in a row. Plus I didn’t have any sleep at all on Wednesday, which was prior to my two good nights of sleep.
My wife will probably read this and think “but I remember him sleeping those nights”. Well, no, I wasn’t. I tried to sleep and acted like I was sleeping. Mostly it was in the hope that pretending to sleep would make actually fall asleep. It didn’t work. One morning when she was sneaking around hoping not to wake me I actually had some headphones on listening to a audio book. I was desperate and trying anything to get sleep.
I’ve tried many things to try getting sleep. But it seems that for about a week following maintenance treatment that my already poor sleep schedule will become even worse. To keep my spirits up I just keep in mind that maintenance treatments should keep me in remission longer. A little lack of sleep due to maintenance treatments is a small price to pay for keeping cancer at bay.
Getting irritated about my irritability
Just as with the first round of maintenance, during this round I experienced some definite irritability. I don’t know if it is due to the steroids I’m given, or the fact my body just doesn’t feel right. No matter what the cause it seems to get worse each round. I find myself spending the week after maintenance trying to avoid people so I don’t fly off the handle at anyone.
There have been a few times in the last week I wasn’t able to refrain from snapping at people. Unfortunately it is usually my wife or my boys that are the receiving end of my irritability. They will feel hurt afterwards and left wondering what they did wrong. In all reality they probably did nothing wrong. It was just me being irritable for no reason at all. Luckily I have a great family and they seem to forgive my sudden irritable outbursts.
Just not feeling right
I mentioned above that I just don’t feel right after maintenance. This is a hard one to explain. Part me feels like I have light, almost flu-like, symptoms going throughout my whole body. But even that isn’t the right description of how I feel. All I can say is that the week following maintenance I feel “wrong”. Somehow every part of my body feels like something is physically wrong. But there isn’t any pain or anything like that. Perhaps it is all in my mind. Luckily that side-effect seems to last just under a week.
A year and a half of maintenance infusions left.
Lack of sleep, irritability, and feeling “wrong” are the main side-effects of maintenance I seem to experience. Technically I am a quarter of the way through my maintenance infusions. That leaves me with a year and a half of infusions left to go. Yes, even with these side-effects I plan to continue maintenance therapy. I’ve blogged previously about why I decided to go ahead with maintenance therapy, and still believe it is the right thing to do. I’ll just continue to put up with any side-effects in the hope I can gain more quality time with my family.
Today’s song: Behind Blue Eyes
I’m a big fan of The Who. Quite often during the past week I’ve had these lyrics stuck in my head:
No one bites back as hard On their anger None of my pain and woe Can show through
Those lyrics seem to have taken on an extreme meaning for me the week following maintenance. My family and neighbors may think I snap a lot during this time, but they have no idea just how often I am biting my tongue to keep the anger from showing.
Bonus song: Who Are You
I thought sticking with The Who would be appropriate for this post. Actually I often ask myself this question after going into a fit of maintenance rage.
Bonus Bonus Song: Basket Case
This song keeps coming in my mind during maintenance week as well. Maybe I should talk my kids rock band into learning it. Its a great song, even if I’m not keeping it my head for the right reasons…
It has been just a little over a week and a half since I had my maintenance infusion of Rituximab. Overall I would say maintenance has gone well for me. But I have experienced some side-effects. In this post, I will share how the last week and a half has gone for me.
Lack of sleep is back in full force!
In the post about my maintenance treatment, I mentioned taking a four-hour nap afterward. Unfortunately, that seems to be about the longest I’ve slept over the last couple of weeks. That night I slept for only a couple of hours. At the time I hoped my lack of sleep was due to having taken such a long nap. I also believed the steroids given to me during the maintenance infusion might have caused the sleeplessness. Both of those reasons could have been true for that night, but wouldn’t explain my sleeplessness since.
Since maintenance I seem to get about three to four hours of sleep a night. Every four or five days I seem to sleep about six or seven hours, most likely my body trying to catch up on sleep. I did have sleep issues prior to maintenance, but at that time I was back up to five or six hours of sleep every night. It is possible my sleep apnea is getting worse. This week I actually go back for a second sleep study to get a CPAP machine set up in order to help me sleep. I’m not really looking forward to sleeping with a CPAP machine. But then if it actually helps me sleep better at night I’m all for it.
Irritability came back!
As part of maintenance therapy I was given a steroid. According to my chart, the steroid given to me via IV was dexamethasone sodium phosphate, also known as Hexadrol Phosphate. This was also the steroid used during my chemo infusions. The only difference between maintenance and chemo is that I no longer have to take the prednisone steroid. But just like during chemo I experience some extreme irritability for a couple of days.
Previously I blogged about the rage experienced while on prednisone. I was much less full of rage this time, but there was still a definite irritability. For a couple of days I seemed to get annoyed and almost angry every time the boys fought. As a parent I know the boys will fight for no reason at all. Yet on one of those days I had a large confrontation with my youngest son that left me apologizing to him for a couple of days. Hopefully the kids understand I was not quite myself on those days.
Since my last round of chemo, I have experienced the chills occasionally when going to bed. I hadn’t really thought too much of this due to the fact it is very cold outside and it didn’t last very long. On a typical night prior to maintenance I would experience the chills for about five to ten minutes. After maintenance therapy, I now experience the chills for about forty-five to sixty minutes per evening. The chills always seem to come when I am going to bed. Nothing I do seem to get rid of them.
I’ve spoken with other lymphoma patients that have experienced the chills after chemo is completed. There doesn’t seem to be a unifying reason as to why some of us experience the chills. One common reason given is that chemo causes early menopause. Since I am not a woman I don’t really think that applies to me. Part of me wonders if it is not due to the rituximab. Rituximab is the common drug I used both during chemo and during maintenance therapy. And the chills is a common side-effect of the drug. I’m hoping as time goes on this particular side-effect will either go away or at least get reduced.
Not a lot of side-effects
I don’t seem to have a lot of side-effects from maintenance therapy. The main side-effects I have is lack of sleep, irritability, and the chills. Overall I can live with these side-effects if it means maintenance therapy can keep my lymphoma at bay longer. Plus I hope that as maintenance therapy goes on my body will just adjust better and the side-effects will reduce each time.
Today’s song: I’ll Sleep When I’m Dead
Today’s song comes from Warren Zevon. This track is called I’ll sleep when I’m dead. Since getting lymphoma my wife doesn’t like me to use the phrase I’ll sleep when I’m dead, but I actually have used it many times over the years. The song has some obvious references to living life to its fullest. But at the same time there are references to being stretched a little thin. So much to relate to in this song, especially when experiencing sleep issues!
Bonus song: Poor Poor Pitiful Me
Actually, this song isn’t about me at all. My constant companion throughout chemo and maintenance is Lucy. She is a nine-year-old Yorkie and is always at my side! Of course, just like any other dog she thinks her life is so rough, and I often sing this Warren Zevon song to her.